September 29, 2023

Hillary addresses supporters, congratulates Obama, takes scissors to sleeping Bill’s genitals

As the cameras rolled, Clinton was joined by her rock star husband and a cast of Democratic characters that included a Madeline Albright looking like Andy Rooney in drag, Newt Gingrich’s skinnier twin brother, and an unidentified gentleman who may or may not have been the product of a William Baldwin-Fred Ward pregnancy. Taking a page from her husband’s 1992 campaign playbook, the third-place Hillary Clinton tried to find victory in a shellacking and shake up a little bronze fever among her supporters, while her aides frantically tried to wipe Barack Obama’s bootprints off her chest. It was certainly difficult for her exhausted and dispirited supporters not to get out the Magic Markers and start reworking her thousands upon thousands of Iowa campaign signs from “Ready for Change, Ready to Lead” to “Ready to Change, Ready to Leave” as the Misery Train departs for New Hampshire after what they hope isn’t her penultimate bitch-slap in the nascent 2008 campaign.