October 24, 2020

Veepstake Monday: The Early Line

Now it really starts getting fun. This is the money shot that we’re saving our quarters and reserving our viewing booth for. With the Presidential field winnowed down to three viable candidates, and one party’s nominee all but assured, the talk is starting to turn to who is going to take the second spot and secure their place in history, win or lose. That ultimate pick for both tickets is still six months away–which is half-a-year, eleven forevers, and two eternities away in a political timeline–but no time like the present to start gaming who’s going to be giving that coveted headlining Wednesday night speech in Denver and Minneapolis-St. Paul.

This will be a semi-regular Monday feature on VeepsBlog 2008, and we’ll give every potential candidate their due.

THE REPUBLICANS: JOHN MCCAIN


Mark Sanford – Governor, South Carolina: 
Another party maverick (you know, like McCain used to be before he became the designated front-runner and started selling his positions like he was getting rid of old family jewelry on eBay), Sanford was often the lone dissenting vote with Ron Paul on otherwise GOP-popular measures in Congress and big against earmarks, which has become John McCain’s latest rallying cry. Tanned, handsome, and young, he could blunt criticism of McCain’s age, and run to the pharmacy to fill his prescriptions every day (damn–I said I wasn’t going to go there. No more ageist humor for the rest of this post. I promise). Got a lifetime rating of 92 from the American Conservative Union. Penned a vaguely-racist column against Barack Obama in January of this year. He’s been equally as vague in explaining his motives in writing the article in the first place.
VeepsBlog 2008 Line: 8 to 1


Charlie Crist – Governor, Florida:
 Again, young, tanned, and handsome. Shares credit for swinging the state for John McCain with his weekend-before endorsement, and appeared on the rostrum with the Arizona Senator for his victory speech. Maybe a bit too tanned. Virtually orange in appearance. Was perspiring profusely and periodically bug-eyed, though, barely attentive as McCain spoke and making eye contact acknowledgment with and gesturing to unseen persons in the audience. Struck me as a bit rude, but what do I know? Besides, he helped deliver Florida.
VeepsBlog 2008 Line: 6 to 1

Tim Pawlenty – Governor, Minnesota: Staunch McCain ally. Possibly too staunch–sometimes seems as slavishly and single-mindedly pursuing the nomination as much as Dan Quayle in 1988. Young, but very much not tanned (He’s from Minnesota). Has apparently opposed importing less expensive prescription drugs from Canada (which McCain has supported, as recently as yesterday afternoon, though he could have changed his position by now) and also said upon re-election that he would not seek national office during his term (Meh. That pledge gets broken more often than a New Year’s Resolution to go to the gym three times a week). Certain early fave of newspaper headline writers (and this blog writer), who will stampede one another to be the first to write for the early post-nomination editions, “Good & Pawlenty!”. Also, has big edge as convention host city’s (Minneapolis-St. Paul) favorite son.
VeepsBlog 2008 Line: 2-1

THE DEMOCRATS – BARACK OBAMA

Bill Richardson – Governor, New Mexico: Ginormous Hispanic bonafides, obviously. As Governor, diplomat extraordinaire, party leader, and former Congressman and Cabinet member, has a sterling resume. Could help with Texas. Does need to take off 15 or 20 pounds to be more telegenic, and since dropping out of race has grown, as one of my friends has called it a “finding myself” beard, which just has to go . Also, same politically-connected friend of VeepsBlog 2008 reports inside information from Washington D.C. Senate staffer that Richardson is an even-bigger poon hound than his Super Bowl date this year, Bill Clinton. Obama wants no association with that part of the Clinton Legacy.
Veeps2008 Blog Line: 20 to 1


Ted Strickland – Governor, Ohio: 
This was a Bob Novak pick on “Meet The Press” and made me rethink, for a minute, my position that he lost his marbles long ago (in that he ever had them). In ’92 Congressional election, defeated his opponent who had Pat Buchanan, Oliver North, and Dan Quayle in the state campaigning for him. Executive experience and from a state that’s gone Red the last two elections–and fatally Red in 2004. He’s 66 but clearly using a 15-year-old photo on his Wikipedia entry.
Veeps2008 Blog Line: 5 to 1

Joe Biden – Senator, Delaware: Has had White House Fever for at least 20+ years. Major street cred on defense and foreign relations. Bad hair of unknown origin, and the loosest of loose cannons, though. His dick is currently enormous as head of the Foreign Relations committee, and only going to get bigger if the Democrats increase their margin in the Senate in November. Also would be 74 at the end of a second Obama Administration.
Veeps2008 Blog Line: 18 to 1


Al Gore – Former Vice President, Recent Nobel Prize Recipient, Oscar Winner: 
Mark Shields floated this one yesterday on “Meet The Press”. I’d sooner put my money on San Francisco 49ers’ running back Frank Gore. Been there, done that. There is no way on God’s Earth he’ll go there again, regardless of how good it would be for party unity or the Democrats’ chances in November.
Veeps2008 Blog Line: 477 to 1

THE DEMOCRATS – HILLARY CLINTON

Bill Richardson – Governor, New Mexico: Famous Clinton friend. See earlier “poon hound” notation: Would definitely secure womanizer vote for Hillary. Could alienate cheated-on representatives of Hillary’s fairly-solid older female bloc. Hillary doesn’t want him around Bill with both of them comparing notes on their various conquests.
Veeps2008 Blog Line: 40 to 1

Bill Nelson – Senator, Florida: Oh, to have a lock on Florida. Unless John McCain breaks tradition and makes his pick of Charlie Crist well in advance of the convention, Hillary could trump her Arizona colleague and competitor by selecting this popular Sunshine State Senator before McCain can get his hands on Charlie.
Veeps2008 Blog Line: 5 to 1

Evan Bayh – Senator, Indiana: Barack should read this, since there is no indication this has yet occurred to him. Blue Senator in a Red state, carried Indiana with 62% in 2004. The aforementioned politically-connected friend of VeepsBlog 2008 has suggested the Bayh’s withdrawal from the Presidential race in December 2006 was part of a quid pro quo between Hillary and Senator Bayh for him to be assured the Vice Presidential nod after Hillary won the nomination.
VeepsBlog Line: 2 to 1