October 29, 2020

Veepstake Monday: The Inside Line – 03.31.08

Time to place your bets again, ladies and gentlemen. Who is going to be the 47th Vice President of the United States, and who is going to fall a hair’s breadth or a country mile short and be back to carrying their own bags by Thanksgiving? Who’s going to be the next to sit a heartbeat away, and will it be from Hillary’s dark heart, Barack’s audacious heart, or John’s…high-mileage heart?

Be the first on your voting bloc to say you saw the Mark Foley nomination when no one else did (polls strongly among young voters, and Americans love a comeback), or that you read in the tea leaves that the final battle for the war for the White House will be fought in American Samoa, and that’s why you’re putting your money on Governor Togiola Tulafono.

We’ve got five months until post time and the field is in play. Will there be anything left of the Democratic Party by the time Hillary gets finished with her wrecktoral quest? Will John McCain go for the Joeish vote and proven both-sides-of-the-aisle Liebership? Will Barack nab Ohio’s Governor for an all-out Ted Offensive on the Rust Belt? Will the Dems wage Napolitanic War over John McCain’s Southwest hegemony, or will McCain unleash a Huntsman and his PAC?

Read on and think about where you’re going to vote with your dollars. This isn’t just random, toss-a-blind-dart-at-the-Newsweek punditry, but it’s close, and it’s really fun when you foolishly put a lot of money on it. So call your bookie and drop a few Benjamins. You won’t miss it come September, and you might even make enough money to buy baby a few brand new pairs of shoes.

THE GOP – JOHN MCCAIN

veepstakes_charlie crist_02-18-2008Charlie Crist – Governor, Florida: His stock keeps rising. He can probably deliver Florida, and with his white hair, he looks like McCain’s son. The orange-hewed tan is a tiny bit creepy, but he’s from Florida. Small Green cred points for flaccid emission targets for Florida, pledging to reduce greenhouse-gas emissions complet…no, to 80% of 1990 levels in ten yea…no, by 2050. What? Persistent gay rumors (and that tan) could play well with Log Cabin Republicans and pocketbook moderates.
VeepsBlog 2008 Line: 4 to 1
VeepsBlog 2008 Line (2/18/2008): 6 to 1

Tim Pawlenty – Governor, Minnesota: The bloom is coming off the rose on this one. Seemed like a strong choice last month–I liked his hometown cred for the Minneapolis-St. Paul convention, and thought his last name would be delicious headline fodder–but he’s since demurred at the possibility of taking the job, and potential Al Franken landslide over Senator Norm Coleman in November portends huge Democratic turnout in a state that the GOP couldn’t even take in 1984. Looks like a vitamin-deficient John Edwards, which isn’t going to reassure a Republican electorate worried about a standard-bearer who seems to be having a number of senior moments lately.
VeepsBlog 2008 Line: 10 to 1
VeepsBlog 2008 Line (2/18/2008): 2 to 1

Jon Huntsman – Governor, Utah: His name keeps coming up, but I’m just not seeing it. He signed on early as co-chair of McCain’s PAC, so the old man loves him. The economy is great in Utah, but this is a conservative mountain state that John McCain isn’t going to lose. McCain’s already making nice with Romney, so the Mormon vote isn’t in jeopardy. Also, Huntsman openly admits to being a big prog-rock fan. Declared July 30th “Dream Theater Day” in Utah. Band cited him on their website as a keyboard player. Any connection with prog-rock is never a good thing.
VeepsBlog 2008 Line: 18 to 1

veepstakes_joe lieberman_03-17-2008Joseph Lieberman – Senator, Vermont: Bailed McCain out on his Shiite/Sunni/al-Qaeda confusion. John McCain needs a prompter like this with him on the campaign trail. Can draw moderates and the Jewish vote, especially if they’re looking to flee at the prospect of an SharptObamaKhan Presidency. There’s a lot of bitterness towards the Dems in Joe’s soul, and he’d love to put a twisting knife between his all-but-former party’s shoulder blades. This isn’t a mortal lock yet, but neither was Tyson-Spinks until Spinks dropped to the canvas 90 seconds in, even though everyone saw it coming 15 miles away.
VeepsBlog 2008 Line: Pick it
VeepsBlog 2008 Line (3/17/2008): 14 to 1

THE DEMOCRATS – HILLARY CLINTON

Ed Rendell – Governor, Pennsylvania: By the time this is all said and done, he may be the only friend she has left in this party. She’s not going to win, and I’m only entering this to entertain that slightest of possibilities that the Clinton campaign presents every unpledged superdelegate with photos of them molesting a Cub Scout and says “…or else”.
VeepsBlog 2008 Line: 446 to 1
VeepsBlog 2008 Line (3/17/2008): 12 to 1

THE DEMOCRATS – BARACK OBAMA

Janet Napolitano – Governor, Arizona: Hmmm, dare he? Last year, Governor Napolitano polled ahead of McCain in a potential Senatorial showdown. Of course, that was before the Senator’s resurrection. This also might be suicide, or at least a wasted Veep slot. She’s not all that telegenic, and somewhat jowly. But it would be bold.
VeepsBlog 2008 Line: 10 to 1

veepstakes_evan bayh_03-31-2008Evan Bayh – Governor, Indiana: This one just keeps looking better and better. Blue Senator from a Red State. Has executive experience with his gubernatorial stint in Indiana. Presidential lineage cred with his Dad’s run in 1976. And he’s damned handsome. Too bad he possibly pledged to Hillary when he dropped out of Presidential contention in December 2006. Smelled like a quid pro quo, and he’s still a staunch Hillary supporter.
VeepsBlog 2008 Line: 15 to 1

Ted Strickland – Governor, Ohio: Talked some serious smack about the Senator in the lead-up to the Ohio primary. “I don’t think Ohio is going to be taken in by the fluff…I think it’s a choice between a speech and a plan.” Ouch. He’s no spring chicken at 66, so he might step up for party unity and recant his nasty remarks in the interests of nabbing the second spot on the ticket.
VeepsBlog 2008 Line: 6 to 1