June 3, 2023

Hoosier Daddy

Hoosier Daddy

Hoosier DaddyAs we’ve been so many times before this year, we’re through the looking glass again. Hillary took the podium tonight and did what was expected and what the Clintons have done many an evening before: Hillary took a win that everyone’s calling a loss and called it a win, even though it’s mathematically a win tonight but by the numbers a loss in the big picture, which might explain why she was giving a victory speech that sounded so much like a concession.

There are still a few hundred thousand votes waiting to come in from perceived Obama strongholds as of 11:15 PM Eastern time Tuesday night, and Hillary is still holding a 52% to 48% lead with 87% of the vote in, but even if she sees this one through to the W column tonight was one ginormous punch in the solar plexus to the Clinton campaign. Since Hillary loves populist imagery so much, this was her promising to settle this in the bowling alley parking lot and leaving the contest at a draw, but climbing bloody back into her Trans Am, bloody but claiming triumph, as the bystanders hiss and throw beer cans at her car, and even though she thinks she wins because he’s the last one up off the pavement, she knows she’s going to have a lot to answer for at school tomorrow because she went through a good give-and-take, but never closed the deal like she bragged she would.

Barack Obama may have lost tonight, but he lost where it counted, in the Hoosier State, and not by much. With this flaccid win, this may be the beginning of the end of Hillary’s campaign. After this protracted battle, I won’t believe it, though, just as I didn’t believe the fall of the Soviet Union even after Nicolai Ceaucescu was hanged by the babooshka-and-pitchfork crowd. And just the same, I was right then when August 1991 came and Gennady Yanayev was in pole position to overthrow Mikhail Gorbachev, even though in the end he was too drunk and terrified to follow throw with his part in the attempted coup. You’re dealing with the Clintons here, and it isn’t over until someone hands you Hillary’s heart and gives you the honor of tossing it into the burning barrel that you actually believe that you might have beaten them, and, if you’re smart, not even then.

Hoosier Daddy12:01 AM, EST: Indiana is still in play with 91% in. The votes from Gary are pouring in for Obama at a rate of 75 to 25, and the margin is 51% to 49%.

This is truly all academic, as Chuck Todd has to suggest just to be a buzzkill, Because of the Democratic party’s system of proportional representation, no matter what happens with this nail-biter in Indiana, “we’re really only fighting over one delegate here.” That’s very true, and Hillary hasn’t had a mathematical chance of winning this nomination since Paul McCartney has had a chance of sticking his penis in Heather Mills.

It’s all psychological at this point…

…Okay, they finally declared at 1:10 AM EST that Hillary has won by 637,389 to 615,370 with 99% of the precincts reporting.

As I said earlier, she’s won, but she’s already lost. This is still in play. We’ll see what happens tomorrow in the cool light of day.

Oh, yeah, by the way: Barack beat Hillary like Michael Spinks in North Carolina. Almost forgot.