June 3, 2023

Upon further reflection…

Upon Further Reflection...Vice President-elect Hillary Rodham ClintonWell, I gave it a solid eight hours and a good night’s sleep, and I really have to reconsider my dead-on, rock-solid, take-it-to-the-bank-and-lock-it-up-in-a-96-month CD prediction–you know, when I said that Joe Biden would be Barack Obama’s VP choice, and I said it with such certainty that I just as well be identifying the location of my genitals on a photo of myself. Yeah, that one. Never mind.

Okay, it’s not never mind yet, but I’m less certain than I was ten hours ago when I wrote it. For one thing, I haven’t gotten a text message yet, and the morning news cycle is creeping along with nothing but speculation and with the passing of the day’s vital news window–it’s already 11:00 AM on the East Coast, and the Olympics are drawing to a close tonight and tomorrow–the chances for a pick today are winnowing fast. So, if not today…when?

I’ll tell you when. It hit me in the shower this morning. Tomorrow’s signature event in Springfield is just a smokescreen. It’s an attaboy for his campaign staff and a symbolic launch into the convention, and a deliberate if somewhat cruel tease.

No, this is going down on Sunday, and it’s going to be Hillary Clinton. The PUMA movement is going to wither up and dissolve like salt dousing a slug, and Obama-Clinton are going to devour every news cycle for the next eight until the jaded, nonplused Republicans file into Minneapolis as if they were attending their Uncle Tony’s fifth wedding. And John McCain will be spending his 72nd birthday on Friday getting free strawberry banana pancakes at IHOP and pouring four fingers of bourbon into his coffee.

Sure, Obama will have to deal with Bill (“Godbilla” as referred to in these pages previously), but he needs an attack dog and a Rapid Response unit, as Biden would be, but Joe Biden didn’t get 18 million votes in the primaries. Hillary as recently as yesterday referred to Obama as “my opponent.” Obama is not necessarily one to respond to pressure, but he does make pragmatic concessions where necessary (the flag pin, for example). He needs to put some distance between himself and McCain, and he needs to have a smooth and unified convention in Denver without those PUMA lunatics tossing a grenade into every crowded room with a TV camera and a live microphone present.

And by taking her he loses nothing that he wouldn’t get with Biden, even though Biden is a hell of a lot funnier.

Anyway, you just as well put your text ringer on mute today and save your co-workers the irritation. It’s not happening until Sunday and you heard it hear first.

This is absolutely my final prediction on the matter.

But I’m not ruling out Joe Biden.